I am sitting in O'Hara airport waiting for a delayed plane, (what else is new?) and thinking about the last two days. I was at Harvest University for the first couple of days and then my son and I headed off to investigate some colleges. To be honest, when I was his age, looking at colleges was no big deal. As a matter of fact, when I was serious about going into ministry I went to my pastor and he told me where I was going - end of story! I find this whole process fascinating and one that parents should think about and proceed through, which will teach your kids valuable lessons. Here are a few I have stumbled upon in the last few days....
1) Start early -- Alex is a junior; I noticed that most parents and students wait till their senior year. This was a good call. It is important to get a jump on others (very competitive) and you have a better shot at scholarship money!
2) Go to the campus -- none of this checking out from afar.
3) Go with your kid -- listen, you are the authority. This is as important as picking a spouse. They need your wisdom and you need to communicate the values and desires that you want this decision to be based on. I think we let kids make decisions to test their independence and even fail, but this is too important to just "let them do it on their own."
4) Coach your kid as you go - a day or so prior to actually visiting, I ran thru some questions that he would be asked and then asked him to tell me how he would answer them. I critiqued him really hard, to the point of getting him angry. Trust me -- he was singing my praises and telling me I was the smartest dad in the world when he was asked those questions and he nailed it!
5) Minimize the fleshly/worldly aspect of the evaluation -- food is good; dorms are good; able to have the car is irrelevant! "What is the spiritual temperature on the campus?" Is a nodal question... That is why you must be there and you need to coach your kid thru this.
6) Ask about churches - listen this is most important!!! Selecting a dorm is secondary to finding the right church for them away from home. Also you raise up the expectation that while at college you expect them to go to church -- this is not a four year pass from church!
7) Get your kid NOW essaying about his/her life. I missed this one and we are on it this summer. Your kid needs to spend some thoughtful, logical and concise writing time about their life. Go to Moody.edu and check out their application process -- they have the best essay topics and expectations. As a matter of fact 50% of their decision making matrix is based on their essay evaluation. This should be a major part of helping disciple young people in the church.
8) This trip reveals what you need to work on in your mentoring and discipling of your child. Pressure reveals flaws and strengths. Not failures....flaws. Flaws can be corrected and worked on.
We have ten different kids at our church this year looking at graduating. I think it would be great for all of them to attend a support group. To assist us thru the process of finding a college for our kid -- and then to support us after they leave!